a warm winter, part one

after LA i flew to my hometown in queensland while m drove our car there from our home in the mountains. it took him two days and we spent those days missing him so. alba’s favourite thing to say was ‘dad-da-da-da-dad’.

in court i watched (with my nails digging little half moons in my palms) a person who i used to love dearly be pronounced guilty and sentenced to jail for a long time. my family all breathed heavy, long-due sighs of relief.

my siblings doted on alba and alba fell in love with her didi (my mother). she met all the family she hadn’t yet met. my sister and my cousins had become teenagers while i was away. quietly i mourned those innocent little girls i used to play silly games with, cuddle and mother.

alba went swimming for the first time. she became surrounded by little children touching her and talking to her in the saltwater lagoon. she splashed them and burrowed her head into my neck, bashfully. m took her and i watched them proudly from the edge. she wore the smile she constantly wears when she is with her papa, a constant expectation that he is about to do something crazy and fun.

i wrapped her naked in a towel and breastfed her on the grass. i cuddled her into me, tracing over her sweeping eyelashes and the hill of her nose. that feeling of warm, sunned skin against cool, wind-dried skin made me wish we lived somewhere with a real summer.

we had to leave to drive to brisbane next, 16 hours away. goodbyes are always short with us, they are too frequent to invest emotion in. we loaded the car (mostly with books for alba from secondhand stores) and bought lots of yummy roadtrip snacks from the organic store and we drove.

i don’t like driving long distances with alba, she is still so young and can’t understand why she is restrained for so long or why i don’t hold her right away when she cries for cuddles. i breastfed her in her seat, it made it more bearable for her even if it bruised my ribs. luckily she slept most of the way.

we drove through a town and decided in the spur of the moment we’d see a movie and get dinner. we don’t go out very often so we were thrilled. sadly we discovered the last children’s movie started 15 minutes earlier and there were very few places to eat. we had sizzler (which just meant lots of salad for me because i don’t eat meat or dairy) and wished we were back in LA.

that night was one where life felt very surreal and vivid. i can remember standing by m and holding alba while he got money from an atm. the light was very yellow and the night was very blue. i was humming a song stuck in my head and imagining the way alba saw all of this.

after dinner and a short nap we continued driving. alba and i slept while her papa drove. i woke early in the morning to a pale violet sky and m’s excited conversation (after having only himself and the road to talk to for so many hours), and he told me we were getting closer to brisbane. lush landscapes enveloped us and we decided this was where we needed to be. it felt right. in the solitude of the mountains we birthed alba, but here in the sun, among friends and family, she will grow into the little girl who has taken up so much space in our imaginations over so many years.

70 love notes

  1. Every weekend i used to pay a quick visit this web page, for the reason that i wish for enjoyment, since this this web page conations genuinely nice funny material too.

  2. Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my
    comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.
    Regardless, just wanted to say superb blog!

  3. Your life is sinfully beautiful. How lucky Alba will feel when she gets to look back at the beauty her mother captured. I have a two year old daughter myself and I thought she was a traveler, but Alba has her beat. Keep making beautiful images, because I have found great enjoyment in the small amount of time I’ve spent browsing your blog and I look forward to coming back.

  4. The photo of you nursing your adorably naked baby just might be my favorite of all time. It exquisitely captures what it means to be a mother. So loving and quiet and devoted. Thank you for sharing it with us.

  5. Your clarity and connectedness is amazing at such a young age. I feel like we are in similar places in life with parenting style, food etc, only I am 29years old. I wish I had come to it as early as you. You are an inspiration to me to remember every moment of the day and night to savor the love and devine beauty of the world and most of all my little babes. Thank you.

  6. Quite contagious Pictures, and life is beautiful such like yours. God bless your family. All the best~ blessing from Shanghai

  7. your photos take me to another place. you show this country for it’s true beauty, what so many forget it is.
    alba is the luckiest little human on the planet.

  8. Aren’t Townsville winters the best?!? It’s the one thing keeping me here (for now).

    Such magical and sensual images. I love the backlit shot at what looks like the Riverway (?) x

  9. it’s is so lovely to wake and see a new blog post from you nirrimi, each picture as beautiful as the last. these pictures make my heart ache for home more than it ever has before. i miss the dirt roads, kangaroos skipping across the sunlit horizon, family barbecues in my uncles backyard in the sweltering heat. there is something about these pictures which reminds me so much of the country town where my father lives and i spent so much of my childhood. thank you for reminding me how much i miss and need to visit my home.

  10. thanks for sharing this bit of your life with us, Alba is growing more and more beautiful, she really looks a lot like you! (by the way, her name is beautiful, i know many Albas around here 🙂 do you speak spanish?)

    stella xo

  11. oh gosh, the deserted garden is too gorgeous. and the sky. I’m glad I’m not the only one who obsessively photographs the sky.
    you are all so very beautiful. and you and matt, your characters and your way of life, remind me so much of my parents.


  12. your winters will always be warm, so long as there is love <3 this is a beautiful post nirrimi, your alba is blossoming into the most lovely litte girl! x

  13. These warm photos are so beautiful and always go through my flimsy part of being nostalgic. Being surrounded with love is making you a lucky person, to me.
    Best, Marta

  14. Your family means so much to me and my bf also. Sometimes we have problems, especially about money to get a house and living together, and then suddenly I remember your family and it makes me have so much power, inspirations…so on.
    Thanks for sharing these great moments with us! Keep you smile.
    Hugs from Istanbul.

  15. I hope you will see this comment because I’ dont know if you have lots of comments from french! I discovered your blog since so much mounths and omg, your photos are so beautiful, I like your ideas of this blogs for Alba, your beautiful daughter ! But it’s not just you, I think your boyfriend is a photographer too, and his work is fantastic ! I’m very fan, a new french fan for youuuu ahah ! 😉 I’m just 16 years but I would like to be photographer too, and your blog, your pic’ are just a perfect exemple for me ! Thank you for your work, it’s so nice !!!!!!!

  16. So happy to see a new post from you, Nirrimi! These photos are magic. Alba is so full of wonder and beauty!! Thank you for sharing these lovely moments with all of us. 🙂

  17. every one of these pictures are splendid. it’s as if the world forms itself to your camera, if you know what i mean…

  18. Wow, i love how you put your thoughts in words.
    Little Alba grown a lot since I last saw a picture with her beautiful face 🙂
    You are a lucky person to have all of these things.

    Wishing you luck and sending you a warm big bear hug!
    Take good care of you and your lovely family ❤
    Gabriela M.

  19. I LOVE your blog and all your photos. Get this warm feeling in my body. Though I havn’t read through the text, I cannot accept the dead fox. Made me feel uncomfortable and sad. Sorry.

  20. I love to read your writing, even if it’s just a simple journal entry. It’s like getting to leave my life for a few minutes and sink into someone else’s. You write so vividly, I can see everything you describe with my mind’s eye. I guess that’s come from being a photographer, everything is visual.


  21. These are amazing picture. I like how they go from natural day with family and friends to everything dark; dark thing to dark sky.


  22. i dont know you, i understand you but not at all . i just look and feel. you’re so natural and lovely. i hope you always be happy. and smile with you alba and m.

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