this morning i was in san francisco. the flight was long but flying over new york city at christmastime was the brightest thing i’ve ever seen. it was only an hour ago and when i close my eyes i can still see it, burning like an exploding city.
i notice i am the only white person on the subway and it makes me feel small. down the aisle teenage girls are playing rap music from their phones loudly and dancing.
before me an incredibly beautiful indian woman sleeps. i want my camera so badly but i know it is buried within my camera bag within my suitcase and if i get it she will most likely wake and i will most likely miss my stop. we go through a tunnel and i am seeing a girl glowing in the window. she is all sleepy blue eyes and long unbrushed hair but i feel a kind of warmth towards her, towards this girl that i’ve hated and loved for so long. the tunnel ends and i disappear.
suddenly something snaps in my mind. suddenly i realise this is my youth. this is the young me i will remember when i am old and longing. these are all memories i will tell my children and grandchildren and myself. i take a mental photograph like i often do and i close my eyes tightly while it develops.
a few snapshots i’ve taken while getting lost in this city.