February, 2013

It’s Februrary and Alba is finding her voice. It is sweet and commanding. It reminds me that she is not a little baby any more. We are living with Georgia’s family and making our new house home. Our bed faces the windows so the sun can shine on our bodies. Alba follows the children on all fours like a puppy dog and cries at the door when they leave.

 I spend the afternoons making dinner for everyone in the house and many mornings baking or making nut milks, raw desserts or drying fruit. I give Alba a wooden spoon to stir granola and she squeals with delight and the granola is everywhere.

 Most days I feel like I have too many responsibilities and too little time. I work while Alba is in the garden with Papa or during her morning nap. I know I could be more productive during the day but it would mean not being present enough for her. So I’m not doing as many photoshoots as I used to and the dishes are piling up but we are living and loving as a family every single day.

 Nights can be hard. It’s not always easy to abruptly stop in the middle of answering an email, cooking or editing a series of images to be Mama again. Sometimes when she wakes up and cries my heart sinks and as she feeds (sleepy and safe in my arms) I feel chained. For a while I even tried night weaning.

 It’s easy to forget what is most important in my life. Not those emails, dinners or images, but my family. I’m discovering how to appreciate what I have in each moment, not mourn what I don’t. So last night as I was working on our online store I heard a cry and slipped into our dark, warm bedroom. I curled my girl’s body so her chubby legs were against my belly and I was grateful that she needed me. One day soon she won’t need these night feeds any longer.

 The garden is growing wilder and wilder as the days pass. Alba explores it on all fours or walking with her little hands in ours. A lady bug makes its way across her arm and she holds an earthworm in her open palm. She digs at the surface of the earth with a plastic spade and plants sunflower seeds. She is only small but she is already creating life.

 Me and M are almost always together, it’s the way it’s been since we first met. If we’re ever apart we take time to brief the other on every conversation, thought and event that happened in the other’s absence  We joke that this lets our minds merge back into one again.

 Some day it will be Alba’s turn to fill us in and we will listen eagerly. Right now I can’t imagine ever hearing her talk back to us, but I know the time is coming and I am impatient. I bet her mind is filled with magic. Just imagine the moment you looked in a mirror and understood for the first time that the reflection was you. Imagine being in a world where everything is new and unknown. Babies can teach us so much about ourselves if we just see life through their eyes.

71 love notes

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  5. This post reminds me of my son when he was as young as your daughter. It’s true- one day your girl won’t need you as much, as you will miss those special moments shared between the both of you. The nightly feeds and attention that your daughter crave and need will be soon gone one day. Till then, stay strong and know that your family loves you and needs you in their lives. Btw your daughter is beautiful and so full-of-life. Seems like she loves Mother Earth a lot. 🙂

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  6. I love this post so much! Your writing, as always, is so beautiful and thoughtful. And your relationships with both M and Alba, are admirable. I can imagine Alba reading this one day when she is older, and tearing up when she learns the way you observed her, and loved her, so deeply when she was an infant… it’s incredible.

  7. you can contact me on facebook, just search my name. my pic is my daughter in a huge pile of leaves 🙂

  8. i love the image of you breastfeeding against the yellow blanket. could i get permission, either from the photographer and/or photographee to use their likenesses in a painting? if wanted i can change the faces easily, just love this and want it for a personal piece 🙂 thanks so much!

  9. Nirrimi, I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I’ve always wanted to comment. Now that I have, I don’t know what to write; you write so eloquently that it’s difficult to put what I want to say into the right words. So instead, I look forward to reading your next post and wish you and your family well. Alba is beautiful and radiates intrigue & happiness. x

  10. After looking into a handful of the blog articles on your blog, I honestly like your
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  11. Mature and clear, inspiration to our egos. I admire Matt’s grubby fingernails.
    Yes struggle and privilege is relative, and we never know if something may happen. Hold it while you have it.

  12. Nirrimi, my name is Rafaela, I live in Brazil. For some time I follow you but I feel shy to write. I would say that I think your job as a photographer sensational. Not much short munndo fashion, I try to unlink how can the world of products, but we are inside the system and there is no escape. But the first time I felt something when looking for photos and videos of fashions made ​​by you. Never in my life seen this universe with eyes so receptive. You could put life and sensitivity to a human activity exclusively for sale. I sensibilizei with the images, I found beautiful. I liked the simplicity with which it produces images. Congratulations on this 🙂
    I would also talk to besides you find beautiful and talented, think deeply you write well, you move me Nirrimi. Your daughter is beautiful and charming. Her smile penetrates our soul not giving us chance to escape. Crying becomes our only alternative ^ ^
    I am a web designer and student of pedagogy would say that if you need anything related to site you can count on me, will not charge anything at all, it is a way to thank so much beauty and love you in promporciona sharing this beautiful moments with us. If you have a problem with your site, you want to build a virtual store, anything I do with an open heart on the condition you do not pay anything. Be happy always Nirrimi his family to be together forever. A hug =)

  13. Oh! That image of her with the carrot(?) is STUNNING! And the ones that followed with her in the sling made so many emotions well up inside of me. I have never ever EVER seen anything more beautiful than a baby nursing. My sweet Abigail will be one next month and also crawls around on all fours and is finding her little voice (she has learned to squawk get people’s attention:)) I, too, am treasuring the night feedings that I know will soon be over. Your post and photos are spellbinding.

  14. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling pulled in different directions as a mother, especially a working mother. Being a mother means wanting to do everything you can for your child but at the same time, wishing you had just one more moment to do something for yourself. We can’t anticipate when a child will suddenly cry for Mom and you have to drop whatever you’re doing, no matter how important it it, to tend to your child. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having the life you have. Alba is beautiful and looks healthy and happy. Besides, what’s wrong with pureed organic beetroot??? ; P

  15. Thank you for this. My little son is one week younger than Alba and I have been feeling the same way about night-feedings lately. Your words to be grateful for what we have instead of mourning what we do not is just what I needed a reminder of.

  16. I think it’s important to reflect on both the good and the challenging parts of parenting. I am blessed that my challenges are mostly small (trying to fit in working with being a present Mother) but everything is relative, and I hope by sharing it will show that imperfection is only human. There is so much guilt associated with motherhood and I think people can find assurance in hearing about other’s challenges. Honesty is a wonderful tool.

    It’s blind to assume my life has always been privileged or good. But it is good now, and I am always incredibly grateful.

  17. Wow that must be difficult, over a year of broken sleep. It seems unusual that your daughter eats in the middle of the night at this age. Humans are not made to eat in the night so the sweet thing must just nuzzle for comfort. Don’t feel guilty to weane or to work, you are a loving mother and it is all part of what makes you, you! One day Alba will be so proud of your work and the woman you are.

  18. I’m in the same situation right now, reading my favourite blogs on a smartphone during feeding a sweet but demanding little girl at night, I’m doing so as not to fall asleep ’cause it’s the fifth time i ran into the bedroom this night and outside there’s still work for University waiting.know that feeling of being chained and the bad conscience about it.. It feels good to read the same from other young mothers! And I enjoy your whole blog, thankyou!

  19. So you had an important dreamy email to write and you were interrupted by your baby crying inside its fucking bamboo cotton romper? have you ever considered how privileged your entire life has been? have you ever considered that some parents have to actually get a job to feed their kid and dont even have the time of day to spend an entire afternoon taking dumb pictures of this thing eating pureed organic beetroot.

  20. This is honestly my favorite blog, your words make my heart cry. So painfully and deep,
    I hope that i can reach the enviroment that you are in sometime. Not today but someday.

    Much love,
    Jessica

  21. I understand so well what you describe Nirrini…a girl constantly switches from mama to woman, back and forth. For men it’s different as they don’t live the same physical changes. You are such a beautiful loving family, I’m sure you’ll find the best balance for you. Alba is beautiful and full of life, thanks for sharing these lovely pics.

  22. Nirrimi: discovered your art/life/blog over a year ago via Albas birth story, lost track of it, thought a lot about it, and then stumbled on it again now, what a blessing! The life choices you and your family make, and your documentation of it, never ceases to inspire.

  23. “I bet her mind is filled with magic.” Wow, this was great. I really love the way you write, and your photos are so ethereal 🙂 It’s great!

  24. Thanks for show us so much beauty, peace and freedom.
    You reminds to us how much the life is a precious and magnificent gift.

  25. All of these pictures are beautiful. It makes me sad to know that there are children in this world with no parents, terrible and negative parents, or parents who must work around the clock, outside of the house, to support their children and have no energy when they get home and are not able to get the love your Alba is getting. I do love that the love you are giving your daughter though and it’s awesome to see that you’re having a wonderful time with Georgia and her family! I also love what you say about family and though I definitely can’t fully understand all the stress that is a part of raising a child and doing all that you’re doing as well, work and personal, I do feel you (or for you). It sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job balancing everything out though!

  26. Such beautiful images. You little girl is so cute!
    I absolutely adore the ones of her nursing, I think that there is nothing more stunning than a mother nursing her baby.
    Enjoy these precious moments, as I am sure you are, as they pass ever so quickly.

  27. i love the words, the pictures means so much, and yes, a baby can teach us so much when we see life from their eyes. love this

  28. I look at your blog everyday hoping you’ve posted something new. Today is a good day. You have such a beautiful way of writing and your photographs match that as well. I like knowing that someone my age is different is also discovering the world in a whole new light that not many other people in there 20’s even consider as an option. Iv read your entire blog over and over again about 3 times in the past 2 or so months. I thank you for who you are and having this beautiful blog to read. I really enjoying reading about your beautiful family and adventure.

    – C

  29. I’m a photographer too and struggle between emails, editing and caring for our family. The balance is hard. Someday I’ll save up enough for photoshop for my mac so I can drift to a local cafe and tap into their internet and edit in peace 🙂
    A girl can dream right?

    And wise you are, enjoy it now (motherhood), because one day too soon… the nights will be quiet and so will the house.

    ps. The photos Matt takes of you and Alba are so beautiful. Happy weekend friend 🙂

  30. it is truly amazing to see how you and your blog has transformed in the best way possible. i cannot put into words how ecstatic i get you share something new with us, thank you thank you thank you.

  31. I´m mother too, and i understand perfectly…most of the time the daylight hours are not enough, especially when one has to be shared between work and household chores. Sometimes arises the anxiety, and we make a stop to put on the scale what really fills us and makes us happy. The love of our little family is always on the top…Thanks for your extremely inspiring images and words! Hugs from Buenos Aires!

  32. These photos are absolutely beautiful! The way you live your life is so inspiring! Although you are busy, thank you for always taking time to share with us.

    xoxo
    Juliette Laura
    juliettelaura.blogspot.com

  33. You write beautifully! I got chills, especially at the end. Keep writing! And thank you for sharing! I think it’s really brave to be so onest! Love, E.

  34. There are many things about your life that I am not necessarily desirous of (they are just not my aspirations). The one thing, though, that I can say for certain you are doing profoundly right and that continually inspires me is your parenting. When I grow up, I want to be a parent just as you have been to Alba. And I mean this with all honesty – I think you get a lot of posts on FB that say the same things, but I really want to say that the way you love her has very obvious benefits for her. Please continue.

  35. I’m sure it’s not without it’s ups and downs, but as someone looking in, your life seems magical. I wish I had dared to dream big like you, go to wonderful places and choose to experience life in so many ways. I almost feel like I’ve been swept away into a beautiful dream when I read your words. Cherish it all, time goes by so swiftly and before you know it, Alba will be talking to you. The world through a child’s eyes is magical….I’m so glad you can experience it all with and through her. You are all beautiful!

    xo Sarah

  36. Also a working photog, also a new mama to a little one, and I hear you. I’m so impressed by all that you do, and I love your pictures. they make me ache for a little heat away up here in Scotland.

  37. Beautiful images! I can relate to that middle of the night “chained” feeling while breastfeeding – it’s easy to grumble about how inconvenient it is when you are busy and in the middle of other things. But you are so right to look at it the way you do… as a beautiful time with your beautiful daughter that is, in fact, fleeting. It’s all about being in the present moment, I guess.
    xo

  38. you are honestly a wonder woman to cope with everything you have to do and be such a wonderful mama to alba! I have been feeling quite helpless and a little like I’m drowning in how much I have to do lately… but I feel a little better knowing I’m not alone. I don’t know how I’d do it if I were trying to be a mama too!
    alba is growing so beautifully, I love the pictures of her exploring the garden. Sending all my love to you and m and abla! Xx

  39. Hi Nirrimi,

    I’m a 28-year-old mother of an 8-month-old and also a professional photographer. My husband is a landscape gardener and musician. Just wanted to let you know that I find you, your family, your images, and your writings to be really beautiful, grounded, and inspiring so thanks so much for sharing. I also wanted to say that never in recent years have I read anything that was written so perfectly as though I had spoken the words myself:

    “Most days I feel like I have too many responsibilities and too little time. I work while Alba is in the garden with Papa or during her morning nap. I know I could be more productive during the day but it would mean not being present enough for her. So I’m not doing as many photoshoots as I used to and the dishes are piling up but we are living and loving as a family every single day.

    Nights can be hard. It’s not always easy to abruptly stop in the middle of answering an email, cooking or editing a series of images to be Mama again. Sometimes when she wakes up and cries my heart sinks and as she feeds (sleepy and safe in my arms) I feel chained. For a while I even tried night weaning.

    It’s easy to forget what is most important in my life. Not those emails, dinners or images, but my family. I’m discovering how to appreciate what I have in each moment, not mourn what I don’t. So last night as I was working on our online store I heard a cry and slipped into our dark, warm bedroom. I curled my girl’s body so her chubby legs were against my belly and I was grateful that she needed me. One day soon she won’t need these night feeds any longer.”

    My daughter’s name is Olivia (not Alba) and I don’t (yet) have an online store, but aside from that every other word you wrote was hauntingly familiar and accurate. So, please know that when you’re having such thoughts and feelings, so too am I. Just in case that offers any solace 🙂

    Warmest regards,

    Katrina

  40. I so understand you 🙂
    We had a second baby Luan 6 years after Zoya our daughter came and it’s so hard to find a balance between work; housekeeping and being a loving parent. Some people do not understand I don’t want to take my child to daycare and our house is mostly a beautiful mess.
    Those times with your children should be cherished they are never coming back – enjoy every much you can!
    Nursing your child at night can be tiring but it’s the sweetest most loveable thing in this world.
    Yeah it is hard sometimes but oh so rewarding, 🙂 you know it!

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