thankyou for giving me the freedom to live with my entire heart, for making me believe in true love and for single-handedly raising my brother and i. i think you are the perfect mother for me, you never clipped my wings like others would have. you followed all my pursuits with me, nothing was impossible for us.
i’m sorry things weren’t always as beautiful as they could have been. but all the ugliness helped me grow and taught me so many things i’d otherwise never learnt. i’m sorry for growing up so quickly and i’m sorry for leaving. but i know you understand better than anyone else.
sometimes when i close my eyes and think back as far as i can remember, i can remember our houseboat. feeling the sea rock us back and forth into sleep. i can remember our house in love lane, with the ever-present smell of mango, the thorns in the yard, coloured baths. i would wake up in the middle of the night so scared i would go into your room (on the way always stopping to look at the goldfish asleep in his bowl) and cuddle up to you, where everything was safe. as life went on the safe moments became fewer, but when they happened everything was right in the world.
my childhood inspires a lot of what i create now, so thankyou for being unconventional and letting me and my imagination run wild. when i have children i hope i can believe in them as much as you did in me.
i love and miss you, i will see you in december
have a lovely birthday
love, your daughter